Paisley and Pacifiers : But first, a Dog Mom

Blake's only 15 months old, but I have been a boy mom for actually over a decade. My first son was Sammy, he was the sweetest and cutest dog ever. He was a Brussels Griffon mixed with a Shitzu, otherwise known as a Chiffon. They are a rare breed since they produce very small litters.

In 2004, my sister and I spotted Sammy in the window of a dog store at a mall in Colorado. I was home for Summer break with one final semester left to graduate. It never occurred to me to buy a dog, in fact, I never even wanted a dog of my own. That thought just never really entered my brain. Until that day we saw Sammy, and my heart melted instantly.

He was in the front window being shown off as the "prized dog", trying to appeal to folks like myself. I remember we went in, and just stared at how cute he was. Once we left, we couldn't stop talking about him, we had even snapped a few pictures of him -- he was just that cute!

That night we were having dinner with my parents, and we of course mentioned the sweet dog in the window. My mom was curious and agreed to go back to the mall to see him, probably assuming he would have been snapped up by then.

The whole family piled in the car (grandma Beverly included) and headed to the mall. My dad stayed in the car with Beverly while the girls went on an innocent trip to see all the dogs in the store. Turns out, Sammy was still there and he was desperate for a new family to take him home. We took him out of the window display to play with him in the back room, ultimately pulling at my mom's heartstrings (and wallet).

After probably 15minutes, my mom was sold. We left with Sammy in tow and we couldn't have been more excited. It wasn't clear at that time who would actually take care of Sammy, small details we'd figure out later.

My dad pulled up to the mall entrance to pick us up, and we started walking to the car with our backs facing him trying to hide Sammy. Once my dad figured out what was going on, he sped off -- in complete shock that we just bought a dog without his consent. He eventually came back and within a few days, my dad too fell in love.

We decided that I would bring him back to college and be his mommy. It was the best decision my family and I ever made.

Sammy experienced the best semester of UF and then traveled to the coolest city in the world as I followed my dreams in NYC. We went on long walks on the UES, usually being harassed by passerby's asking what breed he was. His little paws slept in my bed for 12 years, often finding his way to my pillow to rest his furry head. My future husband at the time took to him immediately, even offering to watch him when I traveled for work.

Sammy came with us on several vacations and was apart of pretty much all of our major life events, including our engagement photos and birth announcement. He was not just a dog, he was my very first son. Blake took to Sammy right away, even saying "dog" as his first word! During meals, Blake would lean over the side of his high chair and not-so-conspicuously drop food for Sammy, and then giggle out loud when Sammy gobbled it down.

Last Aug, we noticed Sammy limping around and we immediately took him to the vet. He had an incurable liver disease and was given 3-6months. It was then that I mentally started to prepare for the worst. We were able to keep him comfortable with amino acid & fish oil supplements along with a prescription pill that helps to rebuild liver cells. We gave him this cocktail of pills everyday. Things seemed to be under control, Sammy wasn't showing any signs of additional deterioration.

Then earlier this year, Sammy had a few accidents in our bed. The first time, we just thought he was mad at us for something. But it happened 2 more times. One of the hardest things was moving him down to the office to sleep instead of with us. After sleeping in our bed for over a decade, we both felt this emptiness inside and knew the end was near. We eventually got the news that Sammy was diabetic, and as such, we added twice daily insulin shots to our routine.

A few weeks ago, he lost his vision and hearing. He started to get weaker, not able to pick himself up to use the bathroom. We decided that it was time. Something we had been preparing for since last August was finally happening.

It was one of the worst days in my life, and I am not being dramatic. This was so hard because I was primarily responsible for making this decision -- I was his dog mom afterall. I knew that Sammy would be relieved of pain and in a better place, but I couldn't help but recognize the sadness I would feel coming home to a dog-less house.

On Tuesday, I looked at the clock every 15 minutes it seemed, hoping time would stand still. During Blake's naptime, Sammy and I enjoyed one last cuddle session on the couch. He just slept peacefully next to me as I stroked his back and gave him kisses.

Sammy was one of the most mischievous yet lovable dogs ever. He had a way of eating your $150 Bose headphones but then cuddling up next to you for pets as if nothing ever happened. He loved food more than anything, we even had to put a baby lock on our fridge after several successful attempts at opening the door on his own. Sammy was a total lap dog, we often called him our cuddle monster. He knew all of the comfy spots to rest in our apartment and house. We often said, "this is actually Sammy's apartment, we're just living in it".

Sammy was the best dog and I will forever miss him. Rest in peace little guy, I know they are serving yummy chicken nuggets and pill pockets for you up there. I hope you get to meet your real mommy and you can tell her how much you loved your human family.

I say now that I will never get another dog because the pain I am experiencing is just overwhelming. But things change, and I hope that one day I will be able to love another dog as much as I loved Sammy.

May 5, 2004 - June 28, 2016
12 years strong
Remembered forever
RIP