I am 1 in 4

Chances are, if you know 4 women, one of those 4 women has a story to tell.  Whether or not she has told this story is a different thing altogether.  I am one of those 4 women, and here is my story.

OCTOBER 2013
I was sitting in a dirty old clinic in the middle in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica wondering what the hell was happening.  I was scared, shaking, and happened to be sitting in a pool of blood.  I was almost 7 weeks pregnant at the time. 

My husband and I were on a 2 week long vacation that would take us from one coast of Costa Rica to the other.  We were only 2 days into our trip, and loving every second of it.  We were getting ready to go to a coffee plantation when I noticed a small amount of blood on my bathing suit.  I didn't think much of it since it was so small, and I honestly didn't know if this was normal or not since it was my first pregnancy.  I almost didn't even mention it.  Finally as we were walking to our tour, I casually told my husband about what I saw.  He stopped in his tracks and said we had to go back to our cabin and call my doctor. 

While waiting for my doctor to return my call, I stayed in bed with my legs up.  I would run to the bathroom every 20 minutes or so to see if it was getting worse, which it was.  My OB said we needed to find a clinic as soon as possible to get an ultrasound done.  Given that we were in an old resort town, there weren't a ton of options at our disposal.  A nice gentleman at our lodge offered to drive us to the only clinic nearby.  He wasn't even certain if they would have the tools to examine me or not, that's how old this place was. 

We waited in the clinic which had a lobby and an adjacent patient room with no door.  We sat there for over an hour waiting for a qualified doctor to show up.  Finally I was taken to the doorless room where the doctor dusted off an ultrasound machine from 1975.  I was in disbelief that this device was even functioning properly.  The exam went on for maybe 10 minutes or so, with the doctor trying desperately to locate a heartbeat.  He didn't murmur a single word until he removed the scanner from my stomach.  Then he told me the news that he couldn't find the heartbeat and that it could be a result of the old device.  Given the amount of blood I was sitting in, I was pretty confident that I had lost the baby.  He suggested we go to San Jose (the capitol of CR) to an accredited hospital.  The only problem is that San Jose was a 5 hour drive and we had no car.

We called our driver who lived in San Jose.  He knew the severity of my situation, and offered to pick us up at 8am the following morning.  We knew he would be driving throughout the night to pick us up, and yet he didn't complain once.  He even booked us a room at one of the most beautiful hotels in the capitol while cancelling our other hotel room with no problem whatsoever.  I really cant thank this man enough for everything he did for us.

We checked into our hotel and then headed for the hospital.  I was seen almost immediately, and the doctor confirmed I had miscarried.  They actually call it an "abortion" in Costa Rica which got me even more upset.  I was scheduled for a D&C that afternoon.

Since we were so early in the pregnancy, we hadn't really told anyone yet.  I told my husband to wait until I was taken to the Operating Room before he called my mom.  I know that was not an easy call to make.  The nurses barely spoke English to me, and I remember specifically being asked what kind of anesthesia I wanted -- in fact, I was asked to check a box with the type I preferred.  I recall telling them I had no idea what kind I want, and that the doctor should probably decide that.

The procedure was quick and painless, but extremely scary when you are in a foreign country and barely anyone understands you.  The only person who spoke good enough English was the doctor himself.  A few days after the procedure I had to go back to see him for a check-up.  I had a breakdown in his office, and he assured me, "You will have a baby one day."

We had considered cutting our trip short, and heading home.  After much back and forth ,we decided to continue on our trip and try to make the most of the time we had left there.  It was really hard to enjoy our vacation knowing what we just went through.  After a few solemn days, we were able to find joy and the experience we shared brought us closer than I ever thought possible.

Miscarrying a baby is one of the most awful experiences any woman could ever go through.  I didn't even realize how common it was until I began to share my story with close friends and family.  Turns out, most people I spoke with either suffered one themselves, or knew someone that had.  People just don't talk about it, and they deal with the loss on their own.

MARCH 2015
I got pregnant again almost 9 months after the miscarriage.  Reality is, I was hesitant to even try because I didn't want the chance of miscarrying again.  But, I remained hopeful that I was destined to be a mother and carry a healthy baby.  The Costa Rican doctor was right...I delivered our first son in March 2015.

I am just one of the thousands of women with a story.  I hope that my story can shed some hope to any woman that has experienced a loss and desperate to be a mother one day.  Stay positive, and know that your rainbow baby is out there.